We all have feminine and masculine energy regardless of our gender or sexual orientation. We tend to show up somewhere on the feminine to masculine spectrum in romantic relationships; (for example with a very masculine or feminine baseline, or sit more towards the middle); and be most attractive to partners who show up in an equal but opposite energy .
As a feminine woman who grew up and worked in a predominantly masculine environment; studying these dynamics has helped me to live a more authentic life; understand myself and wildly improve my relationship.
Even though you’ll have a preferred baseline, or “core” energy (as described by David Deida) in relationships, you can also shift into one or the other situationally. As in much of nature, it’s a fluctuating, sliding scale. With practice — and sometimes after removing mental blocks — we can choose to show up in either as and when required. For example, when I want to dance wildly; come up with creative ideas; help a friend with a relationship issue, or hear my intuition — I tap into my feminine energy. When I’m analyzing investments; planning my week;or negotiating in business and need to be decisive or directional — I use my masculine energy.
We often consider women as more feminine and men as more masculine, but this is not always the case. There are masculine and feminine-dominant people of every gender and orientation. You may find (as I did)) the typically gender-associated words “masculine” and “feminine” stereotypical at first. This is likely only triggering for as long as on some level you:
Masculine and feminine energy can show up in strong, mature (higher-self, or love-based); or weak, immature (egoic, or fear-based) ways. Here are some examples of how I see mature and immature masculine and feminine energy traits can show up:
In our strong “mature masculine” we provide safety and security; using our strength in a loving way to support those around us. We are directional and organized in our lives; certain of business moves we need to make or where we want to take our date, for example. Our mind is clear and our focus strong; we are great at analyzing facts and figures and coming up with solutions. Mature masculine energy can be a stable, solid, directional foundation for others, particularly for those predominantly expressing their feminine energy. I like to think of it as a (masculine) mountain supporting wild (feminine) nature around it.
In our strong, mature feminine – we hear and trust our own intuition. We read people and situations; feeling into what is right, and surrendering to things which aren’t working out (instead of trying to force them). We are sensual and deeply connected to our bodies, as well as the environment around us; and fully feel and express our emotions. Vulnerability is seen as a strength — a tool of connection to the truth and what is right for us. We are nurturing in our strong feminine, caring for projects, people, ourselves, our relationships, plants and pets; so they can grow and flourish. I think of a lioness as a symbol of the strong mature feminine (powerful and nurturing). Mother nature is the ultimate life-giving, nurturing feminine energy — supporting life with food, air, water and habitat.
When we’re expressing immature masculine energy; we may want to dominate, control and conquer from a place of fear and ego - at almost any cost. This can show up as trying to force things. With the over-competitive nature of immature masculinity — when conflict arises, you go into fight-or-flight rather than compassion or reason. We avoid, suppress and fear emotions in ourselves and others — dismissing vulnerability as a sign of weakness. We can become over-controlling of others, or even violent. Unfortunately this is where many world leaders seem to show up in their responses to international conflict, environmental issues or pandemics. Perhaps out of over-confidence, questionable motives and short-term self-interest
When we are in our immature feminine energy; we feel lost, confused, anxious, overwhelmed and unable to plan or make decisions. We seek self esteem and solutions to our problems externally; often because we don’t know how to trust our intuition or love ourselves. Our self worth is low and no external admiration or love can truly make up for it. We don’t take time — or know how — to nurture ourselves; and may put others’ needs ahead of our own, often to people-please our way to love and acceptance. We may also play the “victim” in our own lives; and attract people in their immature masculine who confirm our negative self-beliefs. Our inner voice talks down to us and we feel “not enough” and disempowered.
In our strong or mature masculine and feminine energies; we act from a place of love and connection to ourselves, others and the world around us. When showing up in our immature energies, we act from a place of fear, perceived lack, individualism and ego. We all slip into different aspects at different times, but it’s something we can work on if we want to.
What’s more, if we can move our own energies into mature states; we are likely to attract others who are too and elicit an equal but opposite response in those we communicate with.
Thanks for reading. If you If you want to learn more about masculine and feminine energy, as a love and dating coach I can also help with 1:1 sessions. I’m here to help you work out how to move forward and attract the relationship you daydream about and deserve into your life.