We all have masculine energy and feminine energy – regardless of gender or orientation. You’ll show up on the feminine to masculine spectrum in romantic relationships; and be most attractive to partners in an equal but opposite polarity . Here we’ll explore how masculine and feminine energy show up for you.
Understanding these dynamics can help you live more authentically; understand yourself better and wildly improve relationships.
Even though you’ll have a preferred, “core” energy, you can learn to shift into masculine or feminine depending on the situation. Masculine-feminine energy is a fluctuating, sliding scale.
Personally, I’m a feminine woman who grew up and worked in a predominantly masculine environment in London. With practice — and sometimes after removing blocks — we can choose to show up in either energy. For example, when I want to come up with creative ideas; dating coach someone or use my intuition — I tap into my feminine energy. When I’m analyzing investments; planning my week; or negotiating, and need to be decisive or directional — I use my masculine energy.
We often consider women as more feminine and men as more masculine, but this isn’t always the case. There are masculine and feminine-dominant people of every gender and orientation.
You may find (as I did) the typically gender-associated words “masculine” and “feminine” stereotypical at first. This can be triggering for as long as on some level you:
Masculine energy and feminine energy can show up in us in strong, mature (higher-self or love-based); or weak, immature (egoic or fear-based) ways.
Here are some examples of how I see mature and immature masculine and feminine energy traits showing up:
In our strong, mature masculine we provide safety and security. We use our strength in a loving way to support those around us. Our lives are directional and organized. We’re certain of business moves we need to make or where we want to take our date, for example.
Our mind is clear and our focus strong. We are great at analyzing facts and figures and coming up with solutions. Mature masculine energy can be a stable, solid, directional foundation for others; particularly for those predominantly expressing their feminine energy. I like to think of it as a (masculine) mountain supporting wild (feminine) nature around it.
In our strong, mature feminine – we hear and trust our own intuition. People and situations are easy to read. We feel into what is right, and surrender to things which aren’t working out (instead of trying to force them).
We are sensual and deeply connected to our bodies, as well as the environment and people around us. Our emotions are fully felt and freely expressed and shared when we want to. Vulnerability is seen as a strength — a tool of connection to the truth and what is right for us.
We are nurturing in our strong feminine, caring for projects, people, ourselves, our relationships, plants and pets; so they can grow and flourish. I think of a lioness as a symbol of strong feminine (powerful and nurturing) energy. Mother nature is the ultimate life-giving, nurturing feminine energy — supporting life with food, air, water and shelter.
When we’re expressing immature masculine energy; we may want to dominate, control and conquer from a place of fear and ego - at almost any cost. It can show up as trying to force things. With the over-competitive, agressive nature of immature masculinity — when conflict arises, we go into fight-or-flight rather than compassion or reason.
It can also show up as emotional avoidance. We avoid, suppress and fear emotions in ourselves and others. Vulnerability is dismissed as a sign of weakness. We can become over-controlling of others, or even violent. Unfortunately this is where many world leaders seem to show up in their responses to international conflict, environmental issues or the pandemic.
When we are in our immature feminine energy: we feel lost, confused, anxious, overwhelmed and unable to plan or decide. We seek self esteem and solutions to our problems externally; often because we don’t know how to trust our intuition or love ourselves. Our self worth is low and no external admiration or love can truly make up for it.
We don’t take the time — or know how — to nurture ourselves. Other people’s needs are way above our own, often to people-please our way to feeling loved, accepted, acceptable or enough. This can show up in an exploitative workplace, romantic partnership or one-sided friendships. We attract and stay in relationships that don’t give us what we really need. Self care often flies out of the window. We may play the “victim” in our own lives; and attract people in their immature masculine who confirm our negative self-beliefs. We talk down to ourselves and we feel “not enough” and disempowered.
In our strong or mature masculine and feminine energies; we act from a place of love and connection to ourselves, others and the world around us. When showing up in our immature energies, we act from a place of fear, perceived lack, individualism and ego. We all slip into different aspects at different times, but it’s something we can work on if we want to.
What’s more, if we can move our own energies into mature states; we are likely to attract others who are too and elicit an equal but opposite response in those we communicate with.
Thanks for reading. If you want to learn more about masculine and feminine energy, as a dating coach I can help. You can move forward and attract the relationship you deserve into your life.